Monday, December 1, 2014

Episode 3: The Soothing Stage vs. The Pressure of the Pulpit

A challenging opportunity.....

During a leadership meeting for my home church about a month ago, I was asked by our Senior Pastor to fill-in the pulpit while he was away. All at once I was struck simultaneously by fear and excitement, I felt at war with myself because part of me wanted to run home and start preparing while the other wanted to run for the border (and I ain't talking Taco Bell). While this conflict of wills raged on the inside, I managed to give a confident nod on the outside to calmly agree. I was hoping this would be followed by Pastor John assigning me a passage, he didn't...  Knowing John as I do this was absolutely intentional, he has been faithfully committed to not just train up people to serve in the church he shepherds, but also has been faithful in training up people for whatever and wherever GOD may lead them in the future. I admire his ability to keep a watchful eye on the local church's needs, while also keeping in view the universal church. I don't think he would claim to absolutely know where each person who serves in his church will end up, but I do think he can identify their individual strengths and weaknesses and is committed to developing both to their max potential.I have had the honor of serving only under Pastors with this heart. I hope the rest of this post doesn't detract from the reputation I just described .....

First, the soothing stage.
I've never been able to understand the calmness I feel with a mic in my hand. But seriously, I can remember even from my first experiences with a small stage on an open mic night, to battling strangers off the top of my head in front of a crowd of even more strangers at local clubs, to even opening for regionally successful acts in full venues (hundreds, not thousands), feeling a certain at home-ness on that elevated platform. Don't get me wrong, I've lost battles, I've forgotten song lyrics at shows, but even mistakes seemed like small speed bumps on a summer Sunday cruise. I don't think words can sufficiently express the freedom I feel there. I absolutely am nervous leading up to it,  but once the beat starts, verses and hooks seem like a jog on an old familiar trail. The only other place that could feel like that for me is probably a basketball court ( don't be mislead by that, its definitely due more to experience than skill) In either place I know what I'm supposed to do to be successful and I know how to improvise if things go wrong. That leads us to the second part of this post....
The Pressure of the Pulpit
I think it would be accurate to describe my feeling when I preach in front of my church family who I know and love as being the exact opposite of the feeling I described of the stage during a concert. I wanna be excellent at it like I was John Piper jr. but as the morning worship leads up to the point when I must climb the two to three steps up to the pulpit at my church (which, in the moment feels like 200) the pressure does not lessen, it increases. I feel absolutely nervous and awkward as I attempt to take the 500lb weight of truth that GOD has placed on me and try to place upon those listening. I mispronounce words, loose my place in my notes, and nervously and ineffectively try to display calm confidence as a cover for the terror I feel inside. I would affectionately compare the act of of preparing a sermon and preaching it to catching an infectious disease. You walk around all week being affected and convicted by the truth GOD's word is teaching you and then drag your weak and battered carcass up to the pulpit in hopes that your church family will catch it as well and experience the same loving torment you have just gone through (I don't know if Piper feels like that). I try to always approach this situation expecting nothing but pleasing GOD with my faithfulness. I approached yesterdays guest preaching opportunity the same way, having said that I think it best to leave my self evaluations from yesterdays adventure between me, and GOD. Besides, I don't have time seeing as how I have to change my name and look for a new church this week (Watch for my new album ZDC presents Jehovah's Witness Protection EP, just kidding)

Many have asked if teaching the Bible will be apart my future life's work and my answer to that is absolutely yes; to my children, my youth group and in my music. Beyond that I leave my ministry future where it is absolutely best left, in GOD's hands.
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